“Why Do I Always Attract The Wrong Man?”

Why do I always attract the wrong man?” – is one of the most common complaints I hear from women hoping to meet their idea partner, so today I wanted to cover why this is and what you can do about it. 

Whether you have only just noticed this pattern or whether you have been doing it for a while now and are frustrated at never finding the right man for you, then the first thing you should understand is that YES, you are doing this yourself (sorry) but …….it’s because you don’t know a few things about how your mind works.  And once you do know….you can free yourself from this pattern forever.  Sound good?


So in order to understand why we seem to “attract” the same type of partner all the time…whether they are emotionally unavailable, cold and unfeeling, afraid to commit or worse, abusive and violent, then we first need to understand a critical “Rule of the Mind”.  There are about 17 of these that have been documented as relevant, but the most crucial one here is that:

The mind will always try to move you towards what is familiar and away from what is unfamiliar

Okay…..so what does that really mean?  Well to understand why this is, you would need to go back to our primitive tribal days, where to stray into what was unfamiliar, or eat something unfamiliar could mean death.  If we strayed out of our tribes, we could die – it’s that simple, or at least it was in those days.

But our minds haven’t actually developed much more than 1% since those days and so there are quite a few things that are “hard wired” into our brains from the moment we arrive on this earth – all of which are designed to keep us alive.

And sticking with what is familiar is one of those primitive beliefs that we have.

How familiar works for us (or not)

Now here’s a bit of a kicker…..

Most of the beliefs that we create and store in our subconscious mind around love, fear, safety, friendships, money  and many other things are actually created and stored by our minds between the ages of 0-9 years

Our brains are like sponges in that time and we create all sorts of beliefs that are created by our immature minds, some of which may be wholly inappropriate later in life.  Now we can of course override those opinions – just think about how long you may have believed in Father Christmas, but as an adult you recognize that what he had to achieve would have been pretty impossible, so we can get rid of these beliefs when we choose to.

But only if we know the belief even exists in our mind!!!

So let me give you a real life example of a “hidden” belief that was stored in the mind of one of my clients that they didn’t know about.  Let’s call them Claire, but that’s not their real name.

Case Study – “Claire”

Claire came to me saying she was fed up with always attracting men who were emotionally detached and the relationship was always distant and cold.  Claire wanted a man to really want to be with her, to be passionate and loving towards her yet she seemed to attract the exact opposite and just didn’t know why.

Now if you know WHY you do this (i.e you remember a specific incident in your past that would totally be relevant) but don’t seem to be able to stop yourself, then I can give you some tips on what to do – simply use the link at the end of this post and I will send you a free mini-course on what to do.  But…..trust me when I say that often you think you know why you may have these beliefs…..but often they are not even remotely linked.  However, back to this case study, and in this case Claire didn’t know why she was doing this and so she became a client so that I could help her get some answers.

Through a specific process called Rapid Transformation Therapy (RTT) I took her back via regression (through light hypnosis) to 3 or 4 scenes that she couldn’t remember in her conscious mind (but your sub conscious mind stores everything since the moment our brains are formed in the womb) her mind took us to that explained exactly why this kept happening for her.  

In each scene we found different scenarios where her Father had been distant and cold when she was just a toddler.   But the significant thing her was no so much the scene…..it was the “feeling and emotion” that her toddler mind had assigned to the scene that was important.  We also saw her Mother reacting in the exact same way as Claire was now doing in her current life. 

So there were 2 things going on here – 1) that her mind recognized that her Father…someone who still loved and adored her very much, was distant and cold for a lot of the time and was always out as he was a keen athlete.  2) Her Mum’s reaction of sadness and withdrawal from her husband was also noted as what “love” meant by her immature mind. 

All the scenes that came up were around these two feelings of love = cold and distant and hardly ever around, and therefore she had to try very hard to gain the love when he was around. 

To put this into perspective, let me explain another “Primitive” and ingrained behaviour that we are born with.  Back in our tribal days, it was imperative that our parents loved us, otherwise we wouldn’t have survived, and therefore a child will do anything to “fit in” – often taking on many or all of the parental traits in order to gain acceptance.

So because Claire could see that her Dad did love her – but they were just distant and cold for most of the time, then this became “familiar” to her mind.  As this was reinforced throughout her life at home until she left the family home as an adult, then this became cemented in her brain (or wired pathways of neurones in her brain that fire automatically). 

So whenever she met a man who came across as a little bit distant and cold, her mind would automatically draw her towards him because it was what was “familiar” to her.  She often had the recollection when first meeting someone like this that they just “clicked” and felt very comfortable with each other.  And of course it was because it was a familiar scenario for her.

So in order to “fix” Claire we simply returned to the most significant scenes that her mind had brought up and removed the association of the emotion around love having to be cold.

Understanding is power – and understanding in hypnosis is extremely powerful and we were not only able to remove all of these beliefs, but we were able to input some new beliefs via an audio meditation that she listened to every day for about 3-4 weeks.

Claire is now in a happy and loving relationship with a man who is attentive and available.

If you can now see why you are perhaps veering towards a partner who is simply not what you want, but feel powerless to do anything about it, then sign up for my free mini email course that will walk you through exactly what to do.

If you see how this works but have no idea what may be holding you back – then let’s have a chat to see if RTT can help you.  Simply fill out the form by clicking the button below to schedule a chat directly with me: