Why “Self Love” is Crucially Important in Relationships and ALL areas of Your Life!

“RTT – Freeing You From Repetitive Behaviours and Blocks To Allow You To Fulfil Your Potential and Enjoy Life to the Max”

What is self love?

Self love means to accept yourself fully exactly as you are right now – even the parts of you that you cannot change.  It means to have a healthy inner confidence, self respect and a positive self image.

Self love is important for all areas of your life and is one of the most undervalued – often passed off as a bit “woo-woo” and hippy!

But self love is crucial, especially where relationships are concerned.

If you start a new relationship with someone and you don’t have that inner self acceptance, then you will be looking for outside validation from him.  In other words you will be “trying” to make him like you.  When you do this, you are not being authentic – effectively you are trying to be someone that you’re not and it WILL be detected by the other person at a sub-conscious level. 


So let me explain a little bit about our “vibe”

Ever heard people say “oh yeah I love him/her – (s)he has a great vibe”

Literally your “vibe” is your energetic vibration that you give off that is detectable by others.

So let me take that a step further.  Everything in the Universe is made up of energy.  Everything that is a physical form is made up of atoms which are little bundles of energy that interact with other atoms.  At our most basic form, humans are literally vibrating atoms and each of our thoughts and emotions carry an electrical charge that is detected by others.

Think about when you go into a room full of high vibe people compared to a room full of low vibe people.  The low vibe group literally feels “heavy” whereas the high vibe group, feels lively and happy.

As you might imagine – high vibration feelings are the ones you might expect – happiness, joy, gratitude and love topping the list whereas the lower end vibrations, of guilt, fear, shame, anger, grief are at the bottom.

How our vibe impacts our actions

If we love ourselves we are confident and we recognize when we are not being treated properly.  Our vibe will also keep many low level vibe people away – they literally can’t cope with being around you (which is great news) OR they will try and pull you down to their level which is not so good news.  But high vibe people are usually not bothered by this as they will just automatically move themselves away and will be unaffected.

When people judge YOU – it is usually a reflection of their own inner issues.  They are comparing themselves to you and by criticising you they are trying to pull you down.  Don’t compare yourself to others – focus on building yourself up, because you are unique.

If we don’t operate from love of ourself, which is one of the highest level vibrations then you will not come across as confident.  And if you are not confident, your date will sub consciously notice this  and will not give you respect or (worse) if he is a low level person – he WILL be attracted to you because he knows he will be able to control you.

You must love yourself first – then you won’t “settle”- you will feel happy, you will behave authentically and you won’t chase.  You will realise you don’t have to chase anyone because you are special enough to attract and keep the right person. 

Try this little exercise to see how well you are loving yourself:

Self Love Exercise

Write down 5 things about yourself that you love – these can be physical traits about yourself, they can be character traits or a combination of both.

So here’s mine:

  • I am kind to people and animals and always want to help people if I can
  • I am always willing to learn from my mistakes
  • I love my body – even the less toned and wrinkly bits – I’m grateful to be able to walk, run and wake up every morning
  • I attract incredibly nice people around me and have great friends because I am a great friend too
  • I always try and respond to people from a place of understanding

Now write down 2 or 3 traits about yourself that you DON’T love.

Here’s mine:

  • I have a tendency to over analyse things
  • I am a creature of habit and often pick at unhealthy foods during the day and can be a bit lazy

Now think about the traits that you don’t like about yourself and try and decide where they have come from and if you can do anything about them or whether you just have to accept them and love yourself anyway. 

For example I could have put for my unloveable traits, that I have always felt that my nose is a little prominent and my eyes are a little on the small side but I have already accepted those as things that I cannot change and therefore I love myself anyway.  Simply by making that decision to DECIDE to love yourself anyway, is a step in the right direction.

In Gay Hendrick’s book “How to Love Yourself” he describes a session with a client where the client did not know how to love himself.  A dialogue followed that ended up with him finally agreeing to love himself for the very reason that he didn’t know what love is.  Once you make the decision to love yourself, then everything starts to slot into place.

But going back to the two issues I have chosen…..then maybe there IS something that I can do about them. J

So ask yourself if you can give yourself a plan of action to change them.

And of course…..when you have managed to change them – NOW will you love yourself?  Ask yourself that question too because often you will then find more excuses not to love yourself – just keep working through them.

As a therapist and hypnotherapist, I understand exactly how vitally important it is that you learn to love yourself.  In my next post I will share more about loving yourself when others are trying to pull you down which is a crucial area.

Don’t forget – if you are not yet having the success in your relationships that your heart desires, then be sure to download a FREE copy of my brand new e-book “From heartache to soulmate – Healed” – Just Click Here: